Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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