you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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