apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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