Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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