You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
