I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
