yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
