Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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