There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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