Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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