i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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