i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
