I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize