Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
