Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
