I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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