The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
