Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
