You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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