I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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