i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
