3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
