The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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