y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
