so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
