remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
