it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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