I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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