shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
