I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
