I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
