just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dear god my vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
