I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
