I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cut my penus on the lid.
it glows. i had to have it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
