You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
