The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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