I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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