i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
