If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
