He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
