We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
