My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
