Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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