they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
