My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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