i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
