On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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