Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
