he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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