I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
