I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
