Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize