# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
