Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
