am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
