Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I want to make a zoo with you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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