i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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