he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
