Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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