she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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