is your mom at the bar?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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