I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
