hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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