I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
