I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
