oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
