Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
