your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Actions speak louder than pants.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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