You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
