we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
