she woke up with a sticky ear
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
