just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
