Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
