Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
