I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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