Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
