So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize