it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My penis needs a shock collar
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
