remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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