It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
