There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
