if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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