I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
