In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Randomize
