I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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