She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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